Screens, Teens and Covid 19

This is another in a series of essays on device and screen management last year, in 2016 and in 2014, Trying to keep up with both the changes we see in screen content and access modalities, platforms and devices as well as the changing needs and desires of our kids.

And there you have it,

Life happened. Despite all efforts to limit screen time, ensure quality content, negotiate on various screen plans and try to keep up with the shifting sands of what my teenage boys are accessing, two events came at us sideways since March. One is a consequence of our less than normal lives of drifting about the planet perpetually nomadic as expatriates, the second was (and still is) the event known variably as 'the pandemic', Covid, Corona, C19, ergo the Virus. I'll call it Covid, because a corona is a rainbow ring of gaseous plasma around the sun (or a beer), C19 is too science-like and a bit contrite and 'the pandemic' gets one's heart beating faster in a bad way.

We lead international lives and this Covidic summer we left Yangon, Myanmar our home for 4 years at the end of an international posting and hopped across to Korea, skipped over the big pond (Pacific) to western Canada, hunkered down in the province of Alberta for 2 weeks quarantine had a visit with a friend or 13 or 14, then moseyed over to Toronto and skadaddled across the other big pond (Atlantic) to Switzerland where we find ourselves settling in close to Geneva in France. Covid quarantine robbed us of 2 weeks in Canada, and with uncertainty and different stages of 'reopening' travelling about for visits was not in the cards this time, friends being responsibly cautious as to who could walk in the front door... and there we were like aliens in a way, landing from a different planet such as the other side of the world might be. 

As with many of us with teens, hand held screens have been central to our children's lives since the emergence of the iPad, the first and only hand-held web-enabled device accessible then for middle class kids all over the world fast forward to now when kids as young as 9 sport smart phones with more computing power than I had in a computer in my first job. This over the course of 10 years, 2010 - 2020; my kids are now 14 and 15.5yrs old... not hard math.

Our kids, and so we as parents are the pioneers of this new high speed connectivity everywhere modality of entertainment, communication, education, networking, artistic creation, connection it spans so many aspects of modern-day life. For my parents it was television... pshwaah I say, that was kindergarten stuff, now we're in the post-grad school of dealing with media and its content, and supporting our kids to make good choices; back in the day the dinner table debate was whether to mute the adverts during Bewitched or MASH or Hogan's Heros, the Flintstones, Sesame Street, or not... ;-) -- easy street.

March 18, 2020... that was the day it all changed for us. The day my teenage sons stayed home from school and being on screens for obscene amounts of time became legitimized as the online classroom went live. This was in Myanmar, in Yangon an emerging city still with not a lot of opportunities for teens, distant from beach or mountains for weekend trips, and a climate that drives you indoors to air conditioned luxury and your high-speed internet connection. It stayed that way for the months of #stayathome through pre-monsoon which is easily the worst time of year when it has been dry for months and the heat steadily builds, farmers burn off their crop stubble, the air is 45C and brown. Then the rains came in June and with them came the end of school. While it has to be said their British international school did a stellar job with the online classroom, even when 95% of the teachers absconded back to their home countries (or some to tropical islands in Thailand or Cambodia), they barely skipped a beat and launched into online learning full on, full-time.

Any home screen-limiting policies went out the window that day and I think for many parents, while relieved that school continued it was a bit of a two-sided coin; on the one hand their kids were being schooled and on the other their kids were being further inculcated into their various other worlds. Minecraft, Fortnite, Twitch, YouTube, Instagram that's what mine are into...if you can't say what yours are into then probably it would be good to find out. The usual axiom if you want to curb a behaviour is to attend to your own same behaviour first; you can't tell someone to stop smoking if you're a smoker and likewise with screens. What Covid brought was a denial of any strategy to put down our devices, when parents too were at home to work and everyone was on their screens and often at night depending on where your time zone landed you. I am working on an online Doctorate programme and much admin for my Wellness business is online. Am I on a screen too often. Definitely.

We were in our last weeks in Yangon, a 4 year posting coming to an end. While the 'stayathome' ended in mid-May and we left at the end of June, monsoon had arrived and so our departure was a bit soggy and sad. I blogged about our 5,4,3,2,1 trip across Asia and the Pacific  it was quite a trip, there are pictures there too ;-) 

We arrived on continent number 2, North America and found ourselves in a 2 week quarantine, of course with high speed internet. The online fun continued and we had a huge extended back-yard in the adjacent walking paths in Calgary, Alberta. We all took turns going for covid-safe but covert solo masked walks in the brilliant early summer sunshine, Canadian Rockies beckoning, Alberta blue skies stretching out far, full moon shining absolutely beautiful. Wearing masks outdoors still has me baffled. The rest of the time in quarantine... you guessed it, the boys (and me) were on our screens. Crazy stuff, never ends. We didn't travel much in Canada on this trip, normally we go on a visit-orgy to friends across the west but this year, as things were just starting to re-open it wasn't the time to be staying with friends. At ages similar to mine (57) many are caring for aging parents or were planning on visiting them after a long absence due to lock-downs or lock-ins and couldn't risk having us around. Pity though since we hadn't been to Canada for 4 years and have friends scattered hither and yon in western Canada with great lives and are fun to visit... you know who you are. Our last visit with you was when we moved from Kathmandu after 3 years there, who knows when the next one will be. 

A notable exception was stay at my great friend Karin's place in Banff, never felt welcomed as much as I feel there. And on this occasion again her door was open for me and the boys. We had a great few days in Banff, did 5 hikes and had spectacular weather. It may have been a bit of a shock for the boys, from being screen-bound for months suddenly we were free and out in the Rocky Mountain alpine.

I admit that the general lethargy of covid inspired couch time combined with travelling with 2 teens who were reticent anyway to visit yet another friend of Dad's who they didn't remember but of course remembered them, and who I think were tired from their school year meant that inspiration and enthusiasm had to come from one source... moi. And I was tired too. The cumulative busyness required to organize the trip and leave my flat, my business, the few solid friendships, stress around the unknowns we had been facing with the departure paradigm for many months funneled as we got closer to the end, and an awareness that the coming move was going to require considerable energy reserves as well meant that we were okay hunkering down and we just didn't travel. Missing friends but resting and readying for re-establishing in a new place yet again.

Our final leg in mid-August was to Europe, the third continent of our journey. It took us across Canada via Toronto (we didn't stop) and onward to Switzerland though we are settling in France just across the border from Lake Leman and Geneva.

The Swiss had just released their first list of 'banned' countries and mercifully Canada was not on it. Goddess bless Canadians for behaving themselves, masking when asked and being respectful and responsible enough to curb the curve for the most part, at least enough to bring the numbers into a statistically acceptable place. The screen dream continues in travel and the boys transcontinental travel is now about making sure they have internet access and the devices are fully charged! It is on their first trip to Ecuador in 2008, ages 4 and 6 in an effort to keep them awake at Schipol airport until the 11pm KLM 13hr flight to Quito I gave them a game boy each. Indeed I was the one who tipped them into the hand-held screen rabbit hole. All my fault ;-).

Habits have settled in. For example my eldest (15) started watching streams on twitch.com in Edmonton in July where for entertainment 1000's of people watch gamers doing what they do best... game play for hours and hours... My son has seized the day and 'hatllama' was born and now he is a streamer too... (cut to Supertramp 'nothing but a dreamer' right?), check him out, tell your kids, he broadcasts on twitch.com at 7:30pm (Central European Time) nearly nightly. My hope is that he is happy doing this, and he seems to be... and then my hope is that he will start to make some money from this, chalk it up as a success, and move on; it takes up a lot of his evening! His 'following' is growing slowly. But now he HAS to be on screen at 7:30pm so homework and dinner revolves around it (eyes rolling). 

My youngest (at 14) has become obsessed with YouTube though to give him credit he seems to be watching some fairly intellectual content at least of late... he did go through a phase of US-origin brain numbing content which was quite distressing. Rather than go out and play, they go to their rooms and screen despite urgings to the contrary... it's all a bit worrying and my eldest son's PE teacher on his initial assessment says his cardiovascular fitness (and flexibility) need improvement.

So it's not all bad news about devices and screen time. I've been poking around at my basic premise that screens are evil and kids need clear guidance to reduce their screen time... turns out I'm not entirely correct. The recent report from Commonsense media 'Tweens, teens, tech and mental health: Coming of age in an increasingly digital, uncertain and unequal world' suggests that it is more the content and quality of the media kids are accessing than the amount of time they spend on their screens. I think we all have experienced the phenomenon of not knowing what our kids are talking about, and for sure they are absorbing a huge amount of content we know nothing about. Try as I do to keep up, dinner table conversation between my sons escapes me entirely sometimes. Monitoring content for quality is another issue and discriminating between what is quality and what is not can be hugely divergent between the middle-aged father and his 2 adolescent sons. What is interesting is that we all zoned out to junk TV and its advertising and so I wonder is some of what they do the same as that? Should I worry? 

What is of concern of course is the amount of time spent indoors, the amount of time eyes straining to look at small back-lit screens, the bent-neck syndrome that structurally closes the esophagus. In the Wellness work I do this area is where the 'Spirit' element resides (5 Element theory), where self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth are seated and certainly as many critiques agree these are areas that are affected in young people today likely because of too much time spent online. Not to mention how the forward bending head, means you go around looking downward not upward and outward, not aware of your surroundings and what is going on. And when you meet people your eyes are not meeting theirs, yours are looking down, and maybe theirs are too, kinda sad when you think about it.

Covid then has put the kaybosh on my efforts to get screen-time under control during #stayathome in Myanmar or in quarantine and in a cautious Canada we were kept indoors and online more than I ever wanted during our time there. Now we have done the Atlantic hop to the France/Suisse border region, newcomers and without friendships in their new schools the boys are finding it hard to break into established social circles. They find easier social solace in adjusting their lives to when their friends in Myanmar, Japan, Australia (or closer, in the UK) are online and free to game or message, or talk on discord.com.  Who can blame them right?

Though sort of concomitant there is a certain laziness that has crept in as well, it is easier to go online than go for on a bike ride... and we all know that the less you use a muscle (for example) the harder it is to get that muscle active and pumping again. My sons were long-time in the tropics and too long in cities at a critical age, adapted to the slower pace, and then the heat and rain and less active opportunities in urban Yangon gradually wound down their energy and drive to get into sports. Now here where people are up and at 'em, out biking and hiking and climbing, etc...(and ski season is coming) there is a distinct preference to stay indoors and online even when the sun is shining which is a great pity given we are located on the slopes of the Jura mountains in France and within sight of the French and Swiss Alps.

Anyway, change is the only constant and certainly this change and in all our children this time of their lives is one of incredible change so 'this too shall pass' and we will see what the future holds for them, because it is coming fast. My advice? Know what your kids are doing online, know what content they are browsing, know who they are gaming with, remind them that balance between downtime, screen time, physical exercise, family time needs to be in their thinking, check out their posture and act if you see things going awry. This phase too shall pass and it is only a question of good shepherding them through because after this... they are largely on their own and hopefully will have absorbed some of what you gave them from a place of love.

 

Part III: To screen or not to screen that is the question: teenagers and screen time

Our context

Put another way the title of this blog could also read 'to do or to be, that is the question'! I have blogged on screens and screen time for kids twice, 4 years ago and the time before that was 2014 though I think about it often and live daily the rapid evolution of all things internet and my children's interaction with it. I realise that engagement with a screen is a very active 'doing' practice not at all a 'being' one. It is very busy for the mind, and this stands in contrast to what kids might otherwise be engaged in which is 'being'; hitting a tennis ball against a wall, football with friends, lying in the sun or swimming, building with bricks, riding a bike, imagining with dolls, cars, alone or together in person with someone else, whatever... an activity known as Playing!  I have 2 boys, now a tween and early teen, their lives are being messed with; its time to update. 

I'll throw in a contextual caveat early because it has an effect; we live internationally, currently in Myanmar, before that it was Nepal, before that Ecuador, before that Lebanon, before that... you get the picture. We don't live stable lives where we can measure annual height progress against the doorframe or where we can run to the grocer and say hey because he's the same guy who sent a veggie plate to your first born's baptism. Sadly we don't really live in community, old friends and relatives are far away spread around the world, we visit them on holidays and not often. Locally the 'hood isn't very accessible, I mean its friendly enough but few people speak English and in this country newly opened to foreigners we are regarded with curiosity, still a novelty and treated with suspicion by some... it means aside from a few friends from school who live close by, we don't have community. And online community via social media pales in comparison to having thoughtful friends and wise elders living around the corner.

The other notable difference for us is that my sons go to a British curriculum international school rather than a public school. Burmese parents who can afford it strive to get their kids out of the public school system not known for it's progressive rigour in the education sector though it is reforming. The boy's school is well resourced and the kids there have all the toys, they wear a uniform (gasp) and across the board I'd say they want for nothing. This year, the 5th in its young life, the school, (I like to think) listened to parent-feedback and to their own good sense and have not sent home Macbook Air's for Secondary and iPads for Primary kids. It was making life screen-hell at home, the boys felt entitled to be on screen the minute they came home, the concept of screens and screen time being a privilege rather than a right was degraded by this school policy.  The policy was almost transparently a marketing ploy and that they axed it must have had a financial angle... 'nuff said they came to their senses and for that I am grateful.

Online life is different here in Myanmar. Internet is slower than in neighbouring Thailand but then it is much younger. Only 5 years ago a SIM card cost $200 and only 7 or 8 years it cost $2000 for a government monitored manky 3G data connection. Now it costs $3 for quite zippy 4G data. You can imagine the implications the sudden access to information and opinions combined with the low level of 'net literacy' has had. Imagine how much influence what appears online has to someone who has not had the benefit of living the evolution as information now delivered literally into their hands. Fake news for example, fools even the savvy e-content consumer; for those new to the medium and who didn't have access even to TV... hmm, you can see quite a problem developing. Facebook sees some of its highest penetration rates in emerging markets like Myanmar.  Some providers in Myanmar only give access to Facebook and very many people think FB is the internet (shock horror). And while more internet-evolved countries have moved on to Insta, Twitter, Snapchat, Reddit, etc away from Facebook, we are still in it deep, so much so a recent UN Human Rights report indicated FB un-vetted posts influenced public opinion and fanned the flames of hate during the Rohingya crisis of the past 2 years.

WiFi is not as prevalent here and often the signal is not strong or the band-width too narrow. By contrast 4G (and I fear soon 5G) is easy to get though not as cheap as in neighbouring Thailand and pretty fast. At my residence I can use Skype and Zoom easily and stream Netflix nearly without pause with pre-paid 4G and use my phone as a hotspot. Also, as parents we are not heavily invested in the virtual reality fad (we don't have the hardware), so I can't comment on this innovation or how it is problematic or not. Neither of the boys are into PS4 or X-Box mostly because we thankfully opted for the Wii and Nintendo's Switch, it has to be said though the unique hand-held option for this gaming platform is a mixed blessing; portability can be a curse.

In the USA particularly there is much concern for online safety for children and certainly teens are surfing far and wide so this is a well-founded fear though has to be seen in context; given the pervasive atmosphere of 'fear' and the incessant fear-mongering by media and government in the USA it is not surprising that there is a near-obsessive focus on it.  Online safety shouldn't need to be the centre of attention, it serves as a distraction from the main issue, the problems central to the internet and screen time with kids are deeper and more pervasive affecting their psychology, the integrity of their participation as responsible citizens and their individual wellness.  (As an aside it is an interesting analogy for USA society, where the focus on personal safety and national security in general distracts people easily and erodes community building, family values and social order, fodder for another blog to be sure.) All being said about teens on screens it is wise to be cautious and this website unpackages it for you. Please take the bits relevant to your context: https://www.wizcase.com/blog/a-comprehensive-cyberbullying-guide-for-parents/. 

Well-heeled international schools like the one my sons go to are quite savvy teaching the kids about the various traps inherent to being online, I believe (and pray) that this is sinking in with them and that they become discerning internet users. I advocate for everyone with children to go to https://www.commonsensemedia.org/and take time to peruse the 'Advice for Parents' tab. Take your time. And with your youngster vet their games or video choices and teach them to be informed consumers.

What has changed since 2015?

My kids have aged! Now 12 and 14 year old boys they are no longer children per se, they are tweenager and teenager. Their needs have changed, their interests have diversified, their skills have honed both in terms of knowledge of coding and what games and resources are high quality. Their ability to maneuver characters in online games is truly astounding; if you thought it was cute watching your 3 yr old swipe up and down, left and right check out a 14yr old's skills with a gaming mouse!

Content (games, websites, apps, anime, etc) they are able to access has widened, most have ratings that are 12+ or 13+ acknowledging the shift in cognitive understanding as kids mature and grow. Its a bit scary when you look at some of what the various sites have to offer to your 13 year old. Lately I was checking out Civilization 6 add-on packs with my 14 year old, it is very interesting weaving in climate change as a factor in building your empire though the final statement in the orientation session says 'Learn how to control the elements' quite the wrong paradigm to be encouraging... we know we can't control the elements, we should all be better off learning how to 'work with' the elements right?

Add to this the boom of online websites, like the .io games available on any device and they are often free. We used to filter access saying we only would look at free games, etc, now much of what was once 'pay to play' is free. What developers have figured out is that 'if you build it they will come', get the players on board and then bring in the dosh through the sale of accessories, cosmetics, add-ons, upgrades. So clever and kids unschooled in the wiles of marketers are rather open to the opportunities. Cosmetics are interesting, as they don't affect game play much but kids susceptible to the 'cool factor' who want the newest skin or what-have-you will have to pay for it much as they once needed the newest cool high-tops, or haircuts or fashion accessories.

YouTube is incredible now, I mean it always was but now, simply WOW. According to YouTube at the time of writing they have over 1.3Billion users, one out of two internet users views YouTube. Imagine how many channels there are available to your child. I'm told by he who knows (my 14yr old) to comment more about how content on YouTube has changed. Very popular are older Tubers (those in their 20's and 30's) who post instructional videos of themselves at gameplay on popular sites like Fortnite and Minecraft. Reality tubers are bigger than reality TV. Theres a whole culture going on out there, as evidenced by the BeautyYouTube tiff and that of pewdiepie vs t series... (seriously if you've never heard of these you gotta check it out). Often these Tubers were tech savvy screen teens who are now making a bundle (millions!) adding masses of content which can be pretty good stuff but when you consider the sheer mass, much of it is crap. Often content is delivered with questionable language, misogynist messaging, violent undertones and who knows what other less than desirable modelling behaviours. Suffice it to say there are also movie previews galore, and a ton of distractions and its not that they are all bad, some are great but there is no filter, only the brain of your growing child. Who monitors what their teens watch? YouTube Kids is for 8 and under, if you put the adult content filter on your browser it blocks out YouTube completely so is overly limiting for teens; over-restriction builds resentment and encourages finding ways to get around the restriction so is counter-productive.

Content they want to access has changed. According to Reuters online gaming for example has blown wide open, Gaming is now the number one entertainment media out there for kids, even surpassing television!  With games like Fortnite they can play with their friends and a plethora of others. There is live-chat during the game and they can chat with people they don't know as well as their friends and be exposed to any language. These aren't new games but there are many more now, Fortnite for example can be played on most common platforms (X-box, Switch, Playstation, etc) and it is available on all mobile devices IOS or Android, this is a new evolution.

Boredom is the anathema for teenagers; you have to ask yourself, before handheld screens, WiFi or 4G  what did they do with 'free time'? What did you do? Was there not significant value in day dreaming on long car or train rides or while waiting for a friend to show up or your turn at the dentist office. No value in watching the rain fall down the windows or the snow blow around trees in a blizzard? Did you not have more conversations, learn something from that person on the bus you saw everyday or just get into more mischief, have more adventures with your friends?  Share a smile, a chuckle or a frown on the subway, bus or plane? Did you happen to meet your partner because you were looking dreamily around you and caught the eye, instead of down isolated in an artificial domain? 

There has been much written lamenting the loss of 'boredom' particularly now operating from within an active 'doing' paradigm rather than a more passive 'being' paradigm; the distraction available is ever-present and taking us to who knows where but definitely away from within ourselves. Where has the time gone for self-reflection, for inner growth and realization? As this article points out Newton was simply sitting under an apple tree when the idea of gravity came to him and who can say how many other innovations emerged from people simply being instead of doing.

Necks and eyes with kids as tweens and teens I'm checking out their neck bent posture (and pronation) and thinking too about the state of their eyes evolving a focal length closer than if you were reading a book. I'm a Wellness consultant and am aware of how structure affects function. Surely there is a deleterious effect with a permanent kink in your brain stem though it isn't clear how or when this will manifest. I'd posit it already is showing up in behaviour and how kids think... their attention span for example! Certainly I wonder about evolution and whether people will start to evolve a closer focal length. From an energetic point of view it is more than that. It's about the isolation and the energetic distance you put between yourself and others when there is a screen involved. You see 1 in 2 people on public transport everywhere (even where I live in Yangon) on their phones, no one interacting, no communication even though you are easily within their energetic comfort zone. Somehow, having earphones in, or focused on your chat or reading on the screen you have shielded, distanced yourself from those around you.

What up? What can we do!

I set out writing this intending to provide some experience driven advice for how to manage tweens and teens and their screens. But what to say, each parent has their own take on it, each youngster has their approach and interest... and excuses for why they MUST be on screen NOW, or why they CAN'T go off-screen or there will be some excuse... 'my friends are online, they expect me to be there' is the newest one in our house.

Fostering a digitally minimal life is probably the best way forward, setting the example is critical and likely the hardest part; so limiting your own screen time, especially in front of the kids. It also means not buying into the latest innovations, getting the fastest connections, seeking the 24/7 online solution... It means finding perspective on this, a perspective that works for you and your children's futures. For example right now and in our school community, it seems that being digitally connected and keeping up is a priority. Can we step down, step back, not participate? I'm not so sure. I have maintained a digital footprint and use social media mostly because my nomadic world community is global, friends in many time zones. And partly because I do not want to get left behind my kids and not know what they were doing. I am anyway getting left behind in gaming, I am not a gamer at all, no time for it. Blood sport games are still off the menu at our house, but gaming apps have figured that out so you in many games you don't kill people but you do kill the opponent in whatever form they take, often humanoid. What to do!

The disconnect as we live increasingly urbanized, mechanized, automated lives is a disconnect from the natural world. How far can we get from nature sitting in an concrete and steel apartment building, electronics all around us and our heads bent over a screen? We are only now learning that electro magnetic radiation from modems, 5G, phones likely has quite a harmful effect on cell structure.

When the distance grows between us and the natural world, we fail to understand the impact of plastic consumption, of burning fossil fuels, of the value of friendships and community; we fall out of the natural rhythms of the earth and forget that to live successful fulfilling lives we need to be in harmony with the elements, we cannot control things like the weather, we must learn to work with nature as a part of eco-system and find the balance that will serve us and that will serve our children best.

I leave you with the commentary below from Clay Skipper in GQ magazine, and Richard La Flower. Jenny Hill also penned this great article recently affirming all of the above... its out there folks...pay attention: 'Smartphones, tablets causing mental health effects on kids as young as two'.

Passive screen media writes onto our subconscious just like reality, and creates triggers and habits. Be mindful of what you visually ingest, because it literally puts you into a textbook hypnotic state. You will become what you watch the most - Richard La Flower

You write about digital distraction as a way we can avoid ever having to be with ourselves. What's the value in having to turn inward?

You have to actually confront yourself and engage in self-reflection: thinking about your life, what's important, what's working, and what's not working. And this process of self-shaping is absolutely crucial to building an impactful and flourishing life. That's when you shape yourself. That's when a life of focus and value is built.

The second thing, and maybe this sounds a bit more trivial, is that through time immemorial, the way that people dealt with this void—whenever they were lucky enough to be in a time and place where they had some leisure time—was to seek out high quality leisure activities.... usually highly social, highly skilled activities. As Aristotle used to write, these activities you do just for the sake of the activities—just for the quality and joy of it—gives you this resilience that makes it much easier to deal with all the other hardships of life. Your life is not just all hardships, there's these things that we do that are intrinsically full and joyful.

If you can taper over the void with a constant stream of distractions—make it just comfortable enough that you don't have to confront it—you're in a really bad situation. Now you're avoiding that self-reflection that you need to actually grow up and to build a life worth living. Also, you can distract yourself enough that you never have to answer that drive to actually fill your life with the quality activities: getting engaged with your community; picking up a skilled hobby; art and poetry; these type of things.

I think it's actually pretty dire. Yes, it's scary not to be distracted, but I think it's even more scary to avoid all of the deep good that comes from having to just be there with yourself, and confront all of those difficulties and opportunities that entails.

https://www.gq.com/story/cal-newport-digital-minimalism?fbclid=IwAR1CR_tywEvMBKde6nIqlYiO7APUfikRepndacgFSpPQJk8-f8jIqbr8N0A

From Couch to Khumbu... Trekking with kids in the Himalaya!

Decision taken. We were headed for the high himal, the Everest Region, land of the Sherpa people in Nepal. Exciting! In the late '80's (and my early 20's) I had worked as a trip leader for groups of trekkers back in the early days of what flourished to become eco-tourism and had been through the valleys and towns of the region many times usually en route to Everest Base Camp. The last time though had been in 1998 on a vacation from Vietnam and that was before Nepal had been through its heart-wrenching civil war.

We were living in Kathmandu, with a normal schedule around school and activities, we don't actually spend that much time on the couch but one day we decided to up and off to the Khumbu! This time it was with our kids... the boys, ages 8 and 10, old enough to do the walking and appreciate where we were going... to see Everest and be among Sherpa friends to visit their culture... the lure of the yeti skull reported to be kept in the Sherpa village of Khumjung also helped fan the fire of enthusiasm. And the prospect of finding snow, that helped too! Enthusiasm... the main ingredient to having fun trekking with children; its not necessarily an easy ask, the anticipation is clouded by the hard work required at least in the phase of discussing it with 8 and 10yr olds... you need their buy-in for things to go smoothly! And if they insist on their latest 359 page book to bring along... just go with it!

Waiting for the flight to Lukla

Selecting a trek is about several things, not least of which is determining the level your kids and you are capable of... how many days, consideration of altitude, length of the trekking day, facilities en route and the possibilities of evacuation. The treks about the front ranges of the Annapurnas (Ghorepani/Ghandruk/Poon Hill for example) out of Pokhara are popular starter treks since they can range in duration from 3 -9 days. Langtang is also short, popular and close to Kathmandu, so is Helambu and the new Tamang Heritage trek.  Trekking in Khumbu is also popular, region of the Sherpa people with its monastery's and mountain history centred around Sagarmatha (Everest) which if lucky with the weather you can spot on your second day on trek. Flying to Lukla (possibly the world's most errr, interesting place to land) a bit of a thrill all on its own, you can also walk-in to Khumbu in 5-7 days. There are plenty of other treks to choose from so ask around and see what others have experienced.

Organizing the trek is the first step towards making it happen and can be done in different ways... when we went to the Annapurnas we booked with an agency in Pokhara to get a guide and porters... easy enough to do. Check the qualifications of your guide... at a minimum they need to have taken the 6 Week guides course (and have a license they can show you), know the area you're planning on going (preferably be from there) and speak enough English (if your Nepali is lacking). Experience needs to balance with your own... if you are an experienced mountain traveller then you may not need a hotshot guide... you need to be comfortable and confident with who ever goes with you and it isn't enough that they are good with your kids because if something were to happen and they didn't have training to find a solution... look what happened in the Annapurnas in October 2014.  On our Everest trip all we needed was a single porter, I knew the route well enough and have background and experience in mountain travel including at altitude, and so we got a young fella from Solu Khumbu through a Lukla hotel where I used to stay, he had a nice smile and was friendly and strong and knew where we were going, thats all that I required of him balanced with my own experience. When you book through an agency there is the added advantage of being assured that the guide will also have insurance and be properly equipped. Recently a Nepali friend, an experienced guide, had serious problems at altitude and had to be heli-evacuated... insurance is key.

Equipping yourselves properly comes next and proper footware probably the most important thing. Despite the plethora of trekking supply shops in Kathmandu to find children's trekking boots (below size 36) is a task. What works is sturdy trainers, if you can find them those with higher ankle tops are best. Shoes are important so getting this part right is critical, normally you size trekking boots a size bigger than normal (to accommodate thicker socks) but don't get carried away! A loose boot is asking for blister trouble. If you're of a mind to go trekking you'd do well to source trekking boots for little'uns outside of Nepal. Kids 6 years and up can carry their own back-pack... most want to. In it though are the bare necessities... a fleece jacket, a light water-proof jacket, their water bottle, sunglasses and hat and maybe a little snackage. Thats all they need to carry and importantly it has to be light because as a last resort, to get them over that final hill, you might need to carry it! Your back-pack needs the same as the kids, and a proper First Aid kit. Go light, if you need more, your porters will be walking with you and you can always get from him/her what you need during the day. Depending on the time of year the rest of the packing can be light as well. On our Annapurna trip we had 2 bags for the 4 of us for 5 days, this time we had 1 for 7 days. We went through everything and didn't have to do laundry! If you're taking a flight bags should weigh no more than 20kgs. I'm not going to publish a gear list here, there are tons on the internet to refer to but go light whatever you do, that old axiom of halving what you think you need to take when travelling... halve it again when you go trekking.. With children who are out of diapers, the only 'extras' are things to occupy them... (not including screen devices!), playing cards, travel chess, etc. With kids who are still in diapers... bon courage, beware of altitude with wee ones, their sleep needs, and of course mindful of the un-biodegradeability of disposable diapers and where you are going. My kids needed books so a Kindle or such-like would have reduced our collective weight considerably! A solar charger would not be a bad thing if you bring a reading tablet. Remember your porter carries your bag... so be kind!

Attitude and altitude

Attitude is everything on a trip to anywhere with kids. Nepali guides and porters are renown for encouraging and egging kids along, singing with them, and picking them up and carrying them if that is what is needed. Rest assured, on most of the common treks you absolutely don't have to walk further than you feel you need to on most given days, there is always a teahouse over the next hill, around the next bend. So don't stress about getting where you had a plan to get to... discuss with your guide/porter, see what they think. Often they will under-estimate... err on the side of caution and that is fine, they know what they are doing. Enjoy the early morning, the mid-morning, the lunch spot, the afternoon walk.... you get the drift... just enjoy where you are, value the place you have found yourself to be in... the high himal! 

Altitude is one of those things that can become a major pre-occupation and a trip-wrecker if you let it be one; your attitude about altitude is key. Yes altitude needs to be properly understood, yes it can be serious... all that means is for you to be prepared...so do the research ahead of time. Many of our fears are based in the unknown... so know about altitude. Understand that essentially you will trek so that you acclimatize well if you follow your guide's and guidebook's advice, do not short-cut to save time. If they say you need to spend a day acclimatizing then do so. Don't worry about the kids, but do keep an eye on them. Know signs and symptoms of altitude sickness, pulmonary and cerebral oedema but don't obsess. And don't panic because going down altitude (down hill) is always an option in night or day... and it is usually the cure all. When and if in doubt ask a trip leader, they usually have high competency and experience with altitude related problems and can offer advice, err on the side of caution always even if it means significant compromises to your trip. Never forget where you are, in the highest mountains in the world, subject to all the various challenges that come with high mountain travel.

Kids can be a challenge to have on such an adventure but you have friends along to help, so let them... and they sleep really well on trek! Let go of control, you're up in thin air, the best you can remember to do is breathe, smile and enjoy the sunshine. I love trekking with my son's. They love the connection to the natural world, to the Nepali people and to each other. A couple of years later we did the trek up to Lo Mantang in Mustang and after that attempted a small trekking peak in the Langtang region (picture above!)... as they grow they can do more and more! So much fun to watch them evolve!

The Screen: Part II The Strategies (or the Yoga of Screen)

There are many approaches to managing our children's screen use (TV, computer, phone, tablet, etc). It would be great if it were easy to have blanket solutions but the fact is that strategies apply differently to different children and to different cultural and family culture dynamics, so there is no fix-all solution. Well, unless you throw the damn things out the window which is tempting at times but then I realise I'd have to throw out my smart phone as well and a revealing conundrum emerges (to be discussed in a later blog).  The take-away lesson is to strategically set a good example in your own screen management and this will pave the way for easier management of your children's access to screens; get your own screen under control first, visibly and transparently before embarking on any campaign to help the kids. Where there is a Mum and Dad or live in relative or friend... its helpful if all are on the same 'setting a good example' page and if their School is on board as well... it is much easier! We are blessed to have the same philosophy as parents and here in Nepal to have neighbors with two same age, same school, sons who share the same 'screen philosophy' as us. By contrast if they didn't, it would be a nightmare.

I want to add a caveat here that for the past 4 years TV has not been on the family menu of screen choices so we aren't afflicted by the problematic of TV addiction. We simply do not subscribe to cable/satellite or other connections to commercial television. This was not hard to do given our mobility and disdain and understanding of the distraction from real life that TV provides. It has been a great move for all. Gone is pervasive (sometimes intelligence insulting) television advertising, gone the insidious brain numb of cartoon crap and cartoon violence, the detached and detaching channel surfing, etc and yes, as adults we aren't passing time watching what are inevitably just trendy flash in the pan series or sitcoms. If there is a downside it is that we sometimes miss inspirational moments in sports or catching significant world events... but we can catch up with these with a quick bit of googling post event! The other day someone mentioned the Oscar's...I didn't even realise the Academy Awards had happened but now have bought Oscar winning films, Boyhood, Whiplash, Still Alice, Grand Budapest Hotel and Birdman. These days I don't even think the boys miss out on popular culture, I did years ago when Zaki came home from Montessori school in Malaysia asking who Mickey Mouse was, but those days are long gone.  They seem to catch up through friends and watch selectively on YouTube various series if they are curious. In Nepal where we live, we can't get Netflix with a Nepali credit card and so our aging flat-screen TV is used for viewing DVDs and the Wii only. Our boys are 8 and 10 have lived as expatriate children in Malaysia, Lebanon, Ecuador and now Nepal, they are multilingual, multicultural third culture kids and basically want for nothing such is their luck (or not)!

Worth mentioning here is that I am grateful for everything I have; perhaps living in a very poor country like Nepal having traveled and lived large and fully on different levels of the poverty-decadence scale from cold poverty in wintry Montreal (although I did meet Leonard Cohen because of it!) to prosperity jet-setting as a humanitarian emergency aid worker, perhaps I am less likely to take for granted what I have. I don't know, I just know we are very lucky to have all of what we have; our good health and the luxury to discuss things like screen time because we have that choice... How many zillions of Syrian or Palestinian or Congolese kids would die to have a tablet device? In the case of screens and the internet we express that gratitude through a principled approach to access. The boys know that their access to screens is a privilege and not a right. Zaki tried to convince me not long ago that screen time was a basic human right, they had been discussing human rights at school.... I said 'oh, like food and water? you can't live without it?', that gave him something to think about.

Back to strategies....it is good for children to realise that your efforts as caregivers to 'manage' their screen time is in their best interest, and that needs un packaging in terms they can understand vis a vis the whys and wherefores and it is useful to reframe this for them often where repetition can be a bore, saying it differently under differing circumstances can help click things into frame. Below are some links to help flesh this out if you had any doubts. Please be clear, no one is saying there isn't value in children's access to smart devices (children over 5 years old because they are not advised at all for kids below 5) and all of what they have to offer. The question is how it is delivered to them, with what conditionality and how to optimize it to their benefit. I used to say the same about TV... and now of web connected smart devices... ask yourself... would you just hand your kid the remote control of a TV without some restrictions and information on the potential hazards of use!

Sleep and tests.
Sleep and device dependency.
Smartphones and sleep
Kids, smartdevices and sleep

Never forgetting that children's brains develop in their sleep and they grow physically when they sleep, so sound, long sleep is a key issue in screen management.

Steve Jobs and iPads
Related article on the importance of Playtime

Next in strategies:  We find it useful for our children to realise that these limits on screen are not just their Mum and/or Dad's blahblahblah, they need to know that it is a 'global' discussion i.e. their friend's parents grapple with the same thing (hopefully) no matter what country they are from or where they live. Kids need to see the plethora of websites talking about this, show them this one! One of the best websites that is all over this is Common Sense Media and its new 'Parent's Concerns' tab which covers a range of issues from 'how much screen time' to cyberbullying to internet security, online learning and beyond. Well worth the visit. I showed this to our boys and they read the inputs from parents and other kids so they know that this isn't an issue only for us...its out there in the world.

Screening content is something we are very clear on. Family filters on browsers is a must and are easy to activate or install. Anything new that they want to watch, download, play, etc has to be 'screened' (filtered) and the best tool I have found online is again Commonsense Media and if it isn't listed there then http://www.metacritic.com/ critiques gaming and http://www.ipadfamily.com.au/ is also okay offering an age rating for IOS games. At the end of the discussion it is more about how you feel as a parent, how much 'cartoon violence' for example you can tolerate (I draw the line at those stupid zombie games). Its like movie ratings... the best judge of appropriateness is you, aligning with your own values and understanding of your child's maturity and ability to absorb content....and lets be honest whether a movie will give them nightmares and cause you to lose sleep or not!

Now to the restrictions. Here everyone differs and the balance is between allowing kids the ability to make their own wise choices and learning about these and being a conscious and responsible caregiver. Screen time seems to be a determinant factor and so we limit it. Without limits what we have learned for our boys (is it different for girls?) that they will spend too much time on screen or at least not enough time playing outside or with lego or whatever else and their addictive behaviours increases.  This is perhaps the most annoying thing when you realise they are living for their screen time and manipulating you to ensure they get time to be on screen. Our boys are responding well to the following:

1hr/Friday and 2hrs/Saturday
Screen free Sunday
No screen ever in bedrooms
No screen ever after dinner (except family movies)
No TV (except DVD movies usually as a family)
No unsupervised screen at home or away

There are other strategies like minute banks, timers on devices, screen time tracking, etc. See here for other ideas. One method we don't use is screen-time for reward or punishment, or use it to bribe...that is going down a dangerous and wobbly way that is hard to sustain and sends wrong messages, the pros and cons are discussed here. 

As I suggest above, each to their own and their own priorities, considerations and thoughts on the matter. No judgement. My intention is to provoke thinking, encourage researching the issue to be able to make informed choices and to involve children fully in decisions taken. There is no black and white....only shades of grey and navigating the waters takes some time but mostly a connection with what for you and your family makes for a harmonious and harmless living situation that provides the best for your children. Maybe call it the Yoga of Screen: how to find balance.

Please post comments below especially strategies you might have succeeded with for everyone to see. Thanks. d

Expatriotism: What I see from far.

Living outside Canada as an expat (expatriate) has taken on a new dimension with the explosion of social media and 24/7 access to the Internet; it has brought me to new levels of 'expatriotism'. Utilizing social media has become the new normal when it comes to lobbying and it has been quite effective. I want to be clear: I identify myself as a Canadian (I am also a citizen), it is the culture I grew up in and as much as I aim to shed the nationalistic trappings of citizenry and claim personal sovereignty where you grow up becomes part of who you are. I blogged on identity here . My children are Canadian (and French), Canada may well be in their future and so I feel a strong claim to want the best opportunities there for them in the country I grew up in...not the one being re-modeled by the current leadership.

I have always been a political pundit of a cafe/bar type, having lived much of my adult life 'off shore' involved with humanitarian emergencies I usually focus on international events and keep up with developments in Canada from afar and through friends. I have been drawn back to the state of affairs in Canada by the Arab Spring and emergence of engaged popular movements, and motivated to become more current since a Supreme court ruling this summer returns to those of us who have lived outside Canada more than 5 yrs the right to vote(!). Timing is right as the second term of administration the ego-centric leadership of Stephen Harper draws to a close. Harper and his ilk in Ottawa have managed through the various policies and bills passed to disenfranchise swathes of Canadians notably including veterans and indigenous peoples, perhaps even the majority, but they don't really matter to him, they aren't 'his majority', 'his' are only the 23.9% of registered voters who voted for him (40% of registered voters did not vote!). Against the 2011 Census that means 17% of all Canadians voted Harper Conservative in the last election...and thats how a becoming a majority in parliament works in Canada. Go figure.

Don't be shy to click on the highlighted links, I went to considerable lengths to source articles and found many originated from Canadian sites. Interestingly even the mainstream corporate media are in the sights of the Harper Government.

Those of us who see from far what is happening in Canada enjoy the advantage of a global perspective; living away from home we are exposed perhaps to a wider variety of points of view and can easier place developments in a the regional if not global context. For example there is little doubt that in the eyes of many Canada has slipped from being a country highly respected as a 'green country', for its fair stance on human rights issues, for its involvement in peace processes and as a bulwark against the illegal waging of war to being well. Ok, I'll say it...we have become lackeys to conservative (read Republican) USA denizens...sorry folks but that is how Canada is being viewed at least in Asia. Canada used to champion the underdog and waving the Canadian flag used to be the back-packer's symbol of neutrality, fairness and friendliness. No longer is this true...people from the USA still sew the Canadian flag on their back-packs but more because their own flag has made them into targets, beware I say, the Canadian flag is becoming much the same.

I was in Canada this summer and am aware that life is still very good there for most of my friends, manageable financially if you have good employment, with opportunities that abound for children's activities and a decent education system...if you don't mind your kids in classes of up to 30 (for which there is no sound reason). What is to complain about? From afar I see how the present government reforming Canada under the noses of good people by pushing bills through without time for adequate scrutiny, using the omnibus bill to make sweeping changes and engaging in distasteful tactics (or should that be disgraceful) as they proceed with what appears to be an increasingly corporate-oriented agenda in an essentially people-oriented milieu such as Canadians are. The pattern is being labelled 'anti-democratic' because many moves are simply against the polled population's interest or their desire. The list of omnibus bills you can find, just google 'omnibus bills passed by Harper government' and you'll see what I mean. Canadians are being hood-winked...which is a nice Canadian way of putting it mildly

Of late, making international news, Canada was pronounced dead last in the Centre for Global Development assessment of 27 developed countries on environmental protection and 55th out of 58 countries in terms of tackling fossil fuel emissions...due in part to an uptick in tar sands production in Alberta (the product of those notorious sands in the Athabasca region of northern Alberta is actually called bitumen, tar for short, it is definitely not oil until it is refined). This uptick that looks to becoming super-sized in the near future. So much for the image of Canada as a place of pristine wilderness and fresh clean waters which suggests a nation that cares for and stewards the environment....even perhaps as one that can take the moral high ground in leading the way forward on mitigating the effects of climate change by addressing the cause. 

Teasing this out a bit further to focus on why Canada is being mocked as a global pariah, the fact is that our enormous north is melting with rising global warming temperatures and this affects the entire planet. Huge amounts of ozone depleting carbon are being released from the melting northern tundra which is nothing compared to their potential. It suggests that Canada should perhaps be taking the lead in reducing, rather than the lead in increasing fossil fuel emissions. What of the future? What of the children? I am aware that coal is by far the dirtiest of fossil fuel energy sources, but does that excuse us from the energy intensive extraction of tar from sand? Not to mention the dangers of transporting or pipelining the crud(e) that bitumen is, and which then needs to be refined in more energy intensive processes. 

On a brighter note clean energy has apparently topped tar sands as a source of employment in Canada! What I suggest is to divest now in the oil and gas sector (quit while you are ahead) and invest in clean energy (get in early)....lets make that a viral movement and watch what happens, the only direction is up. While discussing global politics a young friend of mine said it well, 'Corporations are out, people need to see that and move on'. If we stopped subsidizing oil/gas companies , started taxing their dirty product (as opposed to clean), if we penalized them financially for their many infringements on existing environmental laws....perhaps we would have a ton of money to put into clean energy research and development creating more jobs, sustainable and clean ones! Wow, am I the only one to have thought of that? Its a mess folks, read this ...if the price of oil continues to drop and we remain on our current course... we are doomed, I kid you not.

Back on topic, in the background from far we hear of the internationally decried muzzling of the Canadian science community which takes on a nefarious odor (pardon the pun) in the context of the global environmental damage being done by fossil fuel emissions. This muting of voices that might be in opposition to government policy is frightening. Healthy democracies thrive on alternative perspectives and the freedom to express these...where has that gone in Canada. Much of the world and Canada do not realise that Harper is playing out his own religious beliefs on public policy; he is a devout member of the Christian and Missionary Alliance, scares the bejesus outta me but read for yourself. Its a this topic of religion and politics is a controversial one, both are best left out of 'friendly' conversations so I leave it to them what knows to enlighten you, read this.

Evidence about government mishandling of the environment as they kow-tow to the corporate agenda is pretty well-founded, I ask you this: why else dismantle the Fisheries Act, Fresh Water Protection, the Environmental Assessment Act, now the Navigable Waters Act? This week the government announced an audit of charitable groups, absolutely NOT coincidentally those critical of the government. Seriously folks! Why? Did I read somewhere they are handing over National Parks to privateers?

In the international press the loud voices of discontent by notables like John Ralston Saul, Stephen Lewis and David Suzuki are heard loud and clear on issues mentioned above. I chose here to focus on the environment and global climate change, equally I could have selected another issue to highlight because from afar we hear also of the Harper-led assault on indigenous populations, on the excesses of government invasion of privacy, on the militarization of policing (especially in the wake of incidents in Ontario and Quebec), on the nose-thumbing at veterans, its getting to be a long list. I haven't talked about prorogation, patronage or the multiple Harper minions who have fallen foul of the justice system, neither the robocall scandal. And, oh, did I mention the Harper government supported the bombing of Gaza Bibi Netanyahu's government in its illegal occupation of Palestine,(this link is a long read but a worthy one...right to the end). The FB group Occupy Canada now has 323 reasons in their 'hashtag leavesteve2015' campaign! 

Out here in the wilderness (currently Kathmandu) myself and the several Canucks I know who inhabit this remote Himalayan valley are dismayed at what continues to be revealed by the international media about the remodeling of Canada going on under the noses of earnest hard-working Canadians. We all have a stake in the future of a place like Canada which could be a bastion of good government that puts people and the environment first, instead we are getting further and further bogged down in a paradigm of economic growth for the sake of itself which has run its course. Currently the government is securing us to the sinking ship of corporate capitalism one that has no retrievable future. If you agree with the sentiment voiced here feel free to share widely, freedom of speech persists for now in Canada and anyway, and anyway nothing posted here is not in the public record. And as a post script...don't forget to vote, its the only way the change will come.