The long and the short of it: on death and dying.

Death and dying, better a written reflection at the end of 2011 but paving the way for 2012 and moving on.  I returned home to Lebanon just before Christmas to attend the memorial for my friend John Redwine who at 32 has died a short, instant death in a climbing accident on Mt. Sannine. This immediately followed a visit to my Dad who at 87 (this month) is suffering a long, lingering, undignified process of decay due to Alzheimer's disease and all its sorrowful trappings.  Where's the justice in either I have been pondering and then wondering if grappling with the 'justice' issue is perhaps the futile fodder of philosophers and theologians with time to wonder what happens as death approaches. To move on I try to convince myself it is better to celebrate lives as we know/knew them. How appropriate that is in Dad's case, even before he has died I don't know but it helps.

John living large after climbing in Tannourine '10

John is dead, so yes, we mourn his passing with celebration of his life. Such a vibrant youthful friend, full of vitality, bouncing with energy, loads of enthusiasm whether it be for his climbing, his Volty motorbike, or the love of his wife and son, a caring man...and I didn't really know him that well but those impressions of mine seem to be unanimously endorsed by many, many others. Gone. Really as nice a guy as you'll meet on the streets of anywhere; to be honest as 'un-American' as they come....and I mean that in the nicest way.  John will be missed. He was a pillar of the small but growing climbing community here in Lebanon. The climbers slide nights initiated by John and Marcin (who now lives far away in Aus) were bringing all sorts of rock gymnasts out of the woodwork, a fun social moment for sharing video and snaps of climbing exploits and exploring ideas and inspiring future projects. We'll have one in John's honor later this month.


This was something John was good at. Future projects. Inspiring by example. If his past exploits were anything to judge his future by, then he was going to be a busy boy. But all those aspirations, planned trips and projects got torpedoed just before Christmas, a solo excursion, an accident on easy but a bit technical terrain, on a manky steep loose rock-band that was likely even mankier in the unseasonally high temperature, dry tooling, crampons..... all ended with the end of John Redwine. I mean aspirations live on and trips and projects gel in other ways and we should all be inspired by our connection to and closeness with Johnny vin rouge. John we vow to continue with our exploits, keep adventuring ever safely, build a stronger safer climbing community in Lebanon, raise awareness about climbing and its greatnees and as a rock climber's belayer says once ready, we'll....'climb on'. Climb on too John. Climb on.


So thats the short of it. A life swiftly and fully lived now ended. Now the long. My Dad....he is not dead. How appropriate is it to celebrate his life when it isn't over yet? Well, the proud and dignified life of David Rosslyn Powell Pugh is in its waning days. Alzheimers is claiming another soul and Dad's life is steadily degrading and degenerating into a man even to his own family can't recognize. Lucky me, I have been able to spend time with Dad twice this year, in July and once just before Christmas. This last time he has notably declined in his mental condition but still accepted that I belonged and was there to be with him as family. I describe his state this way: he is still there in the back ground and in calmer moments, usually when he is out of the residence lock-down floor where he lives (for his own safety), he comes to the fore but these moments of lucidity are fewer and further between.

Me and Dad, December 2011, Edmonton

What has become more the norm than the exception, at the fore, is a befuddled, frustrated, angrily confused man, a shadow of his former self. He is losing the ability to dress himself, cannot figure out the day of the week, time of the day, which meal is which. He cannot bathe himself and for a man who showered nearly daily for 86 years now he needs bathing and that only happens 1X/week, he shaved daily and now that only happens when his morning isn't so confused as to allow a residence helper to shave him. He hates being unshaven. For a man who is highly educated and has always been careful with both written and spoken word he blathers on tangentially nonsensical words replacing verbs and nouns and pronouns used in incoherent sentence; in July he expressed how much this was distressing for him, he realized it quite consciously and hates it. He is convinced a fellow-resident is his sister in Wales and calls her by that name but refers to her as his daughter despite the fact that our Auntie telephones him daily from Wales. He is convinced, perhaps because he has no money in his pocket or perhaps because he has lost all sense of quantity, that he is being robbed, that the crooks are everywhere and must be watched....and that no one cares. I tried to explain to him (as have my sisters) how secure were his finances and he just dismissed me saying 'oh no...you're one of them'.  Dad is not yet at the stage where we can mourn his passing, but that is coming, I can feel it with a heaviness of heart and I guess what we can do is begin to grieve for the loss of what once was: a gentle, kind and generous man, father of 6 adopted children, a loving husband who never recovered from death-by-cancer of our mother, popular teacher and professor, extraordinarily giving humanitarian and yes, like John, as nice a guy as walks the streets of anywhere.


There is no justice in the rude and sudden ending of John's short life nor in the cruel and excruciating process in the approaching end of my Dad's long life. Not to my mind, not at this moment. With this blog and as we move into 2012 and I try to move on from a sombre December 2011 to help out where I can with the new reality for John's wife and infant son and continue to provide what support I can to my Dad by supporting my sisters from far.

Took the leap.

Took the leap, broke the promise. I'm going for a short visit to Edmonton in December...my mission (which i have chosen to accept) to hang out with my Dad, give my sisters a break from care-giving and see my friends. Alone. Without kids. Its been a while. Last time I had any 'me' time was before the summer madness.

Took the leap because it is hard to tear myself away from my little boys and their large little lives. Really, I just like being around them. And its not the most stable time in the region. I live in fear of not being here if the proverbial hits the rotational and then not being able to get back in.

Took the leap because I am really supposed to be bashing on with my Masters dissertation which is moving at a glacial pace and for sure I will suffer for my procrastinating come spring time.

Took the leap because it is frigging expensive and I haven't worked this fall on account of the dissertation writing thing...then again its only money right?

Middle East Airlines Flight ME201 Depart Beirut, LB (BEY) 10-Dec-11 (Sat) 07:35a Arrive London Heathrow Apt, GB (LHR) 10-Dec-11 (Sat) 10:45a Flight Time 05hr 10min | Economy Aircraft Airbus Industrie A330-200 Stops nonstop Middle East Airlines operated by Air Canada Flight ME4513 Depart London Heathrow Apt, GB (LHR) 10-Dec-11 (Sat) 01:00p Arrive Calgary, CA (YYC) 10-Dec-11 (Sat) 03:20p Flight Time 09hr 20min | Economy Aircraft Airbus Industrie A330-300 Stops nonstop Middle East Airlines operated by Air Canada Flight ME4512 Depart Calgary, CA (YYC) 20-Dec-11 (Tue) 07:05p Arrive London Heathrow Apt, GB (LHR) 21-Dec-11 (Wed) 11:00a Flight Time 08hr 55min | Economy Aircraft Airbus Industrie A330-300 Stops nonstop Middle East Airlines Flight ME202 Depart London Heathrow Apt, GB (LHR) 21-Dec-11 (Wed) 12:10p Arrive Beirut, LB (BEY) 21-Dec-11 (Wed) 06:50p Flight Time 04hr 40min | Economy Aircraft Airbus Industrie A330-200 Stops nonstop

Broke the promise to myself made after a true orgy of summer holiday air travel (coming after spring work air travel) to not travel by air again until 2012. At some point the boot is going to rise out of my carbon footprint and kick my arse hard. How is it possible to be so aware of the problems caused by green house gas emissions and then get on a plane? Someone said that if you add up all the emissions caused by all the experts traveling to all the meetings to discuss the emissions that you would have a significant reduction!

Anyway. It will be good for me to see Dad and I hope good for him to see me. Hoping that it will be like this summer where there wasn't a real conscious recognition that happened, rather a simpler one on an emotional level that just made it natural. Fingers crossed and not to worry. Not to go now while I have the chance might lead to regrets....and we wouldn't want that! More to be said on the injustice of finishing ones life off so dependent and so frustrated and so deeply unhappy, so without dignity.

It will be great to see the friends in Alberta and be considerably freer than when I am with the little boys. A different time, later nights, later mornings....ahhh. relishing a bit of a lie-in already. And who knows, I might even get a bit of work done on the old dissertation....probably not.

The new reality next door....some call it progress

This has been going on all week they start at 07h45 in the morning!

Turn up your VOLUME for the full effect

(pictures/video shot from our terrace)

This tree (upper left) survived how many wars but couldn't survive the peace.

What I discovered in my efforts to 'save the tree' is that actually (and I really resisted believing this for the longest time), its true,
no one cares, not one local person stepped up to help in a meaningful way and I spread the word quite widely and through one helpful media contact. 

This is one of the last trees remaining on this street and one of few in the city.

Bludgeoned to death by a back-hoe. Thankfully we were out of town when the deed was done.

Grey, the predominant colour.

Noisy, dusty, blocks the street, apparently going down 5 storeys 
Only 6 months to go?


....and they call this progress!? 
your comments and thoughts are welcome below.

Bringing up kids in the digital age.

omg. Its amazing to imagine what the world will be like for my boys when they have kids. For my parents the world of worry about media exposure for us kids was limited to television (all 3 English and 1 French channel), movies (either it was rated child-friendly or not) and music records (which we couldn't afford) we might listen to at friends houses but we didn't because most friends didn't have them either. In fact, it wasn't really much of a worry at all.

For parents today policing media exposure is hugely more complex and to my mind quite worrying. Who said the world is getting smaller when access to it has increased exponentially, the internet has exploded my world!? Today there are games and apps (huh?) on all manner of contraptions, smart phones, gameboys, xbox, ds, ipad, iphone, i don't even know their names. DVDs abound and are cheaply accessed, some kind of web-enabled device is in every room in the house (exaggeration but you get my drift) and everything is connected to wifi or 3G so internet enabled. Essentially there is a huge open picture window looking out into the world inside nearly every screen you have. Media access for everyone.

Who doesn't know Ben 10?

And then there is TV with its myriad number of channels to navigate everything from nature show, Nat Geo, reality shows, cartoons, movies (all in English or French, Russian, Arabic....take your pick). I was recalibrating our 'Children's Favorite' channels on the remote control the other day and realised that there were more than 30 channels French or English channels to choose from! Nuts. What a difference from the good old days of little or no choice... Flintstones at lunch hour, Giligans Island and Hogans Heros after school....!? Something I realised in Malaysia was when Zaki at 4 years old came home and asked 'daddy, who is Mickey Mouse guy?'....you can't bring your kids up in a bubble lest they feel like weirdos because they don't know the basic whos who of popular (read commercialized) culture. Better to expose them to it at home where you know what they are getting into.

We haven't had to deal with this one yet but managing social networking is just around the corner....my approach is to introduce it while I can still have a measure of control over it so Zaki will get his fb page when he turns 7 in February and we'll take it from there. While I find facebook and linkedin useful to stay connected, this is largely a derivative of having a truly global group of e-connected friends and colleagues and so I can see how they would be only marginal e-accessories and only entertaining if most of my 'friends' were also my neighbors who I could actually meet up with. Ultimately though what I also achieve is to use these new tools and evolve with them so that once the boys get into them I am ahead of the curve and not behind it...a lesson I learned from my Dad who never really got on the technology curve (the home computer he got from the University back in '89 before retiring never really made it out of the box). For the past nearly 20yrs that I have had an email address we have never had an internet encounter (unless you count skype calls?) as a result inevitably a certain distance has grown between us...

A favorite and near nightly occupation for Mum or Dad.

Our current coping strategy includes having an e-schedule that limits screen-time on the wii, iPad, computer and TV. Also its helpful that the boys keep involved in after-school activities and so don't have too much time down-time to fill. All in all they have about 5 scheduled hrs/week and probably 1-2 unscheduled hrs of screen time. Last year when I was more organized computer time was only for educational games. This year on computer we are only watching music vids (that we choose) on youtube.com/music and I just discovered soundcloud.com. Limiting screen time teaches the boys that we choose our media and what we look at ourselves, it is not a free-for-all and the media should never dictate to us. There is never any screen-time after dinner so that their dream-time is not so invaded by whatever they watched last, rather by homework, the dinner conversation and the books they read before sleeping...does this work?...perhaps; Kasem still has 'nightmares' about events or things viewed during the day but certainly cutting out after-dinner screen time has helped.

The demographic of their school friends means that many kids here are being brought up by their nannies. Last year we realised that when Zaki went to a friends' houses he ended up watching who knows what DVD's, playing what games on various devices and actually not really 'playing' at all. What I do know is he came home firing his 'air gun' at everything that moved and insisting that he get a nintendo ds. Recently when one of Zaki's friends came over to play he brought his own iPad which was full of age inappropriate apps. In the 3 hrs he was here our boys had 2 meltdowns each.

Age appropriate? Who knows but they love the classic comics.

We are using age appropriate ratings as a sort of filter with the boys so that the first thing we look at when searching for a new app, game etc is the age rating. Its there on most games, apps, dvd's, etc...not always the first thing you see but usually there. If it isn't age appropriate we automatically discount it and move on. This seems to work. This website was pointed out to me (on fb) http://www.commonsensemedia.org/ and might be worth checking out when thinking of melting the mind of your young one when exposing them to new media. And this is my next step to try and give them 'centering' tools that can help them through the coming years... meditation... http://mindshift.kqed.org/2011/10/how-meditating-helps-with-multitasking/

Would really love it if you could click below and comment on your own experiences, coping strategies and useful tools or websites.

On language and learning

Language and learning continues to be a fascinating journey of discovery as parents of kids growing up in multi-lingual settings. Our approach has been unequivocally open to the potential of having little linguists; Cecile has always spoken French to the boys and me English and now they are fluent in both and learning Arabic and there have been exciting moments in the process.

Until his 4th summer Zaki would always reply to Cecile in English which was frustrating for her but finally, visiting her parents in 2009, I remember Zaki racing upstairs in their house where I was unpacking saying "daddy i can understand Mamie (Cecile's mum)" and i said "sure Zaki thats because you're a little French boy and you can talk to her in French as well". A little while later he was back breathlessly excited saying "...and daddy i can talk to her too!" he was so proud of himself at this revelation and, of course, I was extremely happy for him, he hasn't looked back.

Now, here in Lebanon, they get Arabic 6 hrs a week in school. We don't speak it at all at home, the only consistent exposure they have are our building guards and concierge who are Syrian. We know however that they are actively learning it....and it is quite likely that Zaki was reading Arabic before either French or English. On a trip to the airport in February we passed an Arabic exit sign and Zaki said 'daddy thats the exit for the airport' and I asked how he knew....and he said 'because i read the sign'....this before he was really reading French or English.

Now months later Zaki reads English (although he has never had any formally taught English lessons) reads French, and is writing in Arabic and French as his school workbooks attest. Kasem seems to learn language simultaneously he goes along. Before the summer he said "daddy i can count to 100" and off he went, in English, faultlessly counting to 100 and he has only been formally taught numbers in French (and only up to 20!).

They both understand Arabic when spoken too and just lack the confidence to reply to all but the most simple phrases. We endeavour to find someone to come in and speak to them in Arabic so that they can understand that it is a 'normal' language to speak and thereby reinforce their learning by using the language. Zaki just started guitar lessons and I asked the teacher to only speak Arabic! The other day in the shower Kasem wrote his name 'KASEM' on the steamed up mirror and so I asked him to write it in Arabic.....which to my surprise he did...writing it once then rubbing it out saying 'thats not right' and doing it again! And he sings equally beautifully the Arabic and French songs that he learns in school.

We will certainly regret not having learned enough Arabic ourselves to have more actively encouraged this learning process especially if, when we move on as we will in July next year, they forget their Arabic. This will almost certainly happen if we do not end up in another Arabic language environment because there will be no practice at home. And there will likely be yet another 'third language'. It would be great to have a secret family language in such places but time and opportunity have really thwarted my efforts to learn. The real challenge for us remains using what little we have learned; the people on the street want to practice their English or default to English (as a courtesy to the visitor) defeating and deflating our efforts rather than reinforcing and encouraging us. This is a common complaint of the expat language learner, but in the end probably just a tired but useful excuse for undisciplined laziness!

Kasem's birthday, Lebanese style...not.

Kasem turned 5 this week and I ducked into party planner mode if only briefly between writing a paper on the global response to transnational organized crime, addressing a few consultancy issues left over from Libya and trying to sort out my desk which has fallen into a chaotic state of layered anarchy...

Birthdays parties and what they say about societies leaves much space for cross-cultural commentary. We find, at times, this dimension of our global gadabout lives puts stress into the expat parental party planning process. The experience here is for parties to be rather grandotta, loud....and stylish following the cultural need for things to appear to be grand and lavish; we're doing well...just come and see!

As a result you can: hire an entire team of animators...from a party planning company of which there are very many, to include: a magician, clown, dj, mc, helpers, speaker system enorme (so loud music throughout), cake, activities, balloons...did i forget something? oh yes, the food. never has the mini-burger and mini-pizza seen so much exposure...and never has so much junk food been wasted as you sell your kids to junk food culture. Venue-wise you could have your party in a gzillion places that cater to such things, every weekend there are kids parties in restaurants, resorts, beaches, sports clubs...so if you had planned a nice quiet lunch with friends at a popular spot with families.... be prepared for a mini-rave.

The boys this year are in a football club called Sportsville. It is an indoor facility with astro turf (since there is nearly no natural green space in all of Beirut) and they are coached by professional players 3X/week. Kasem is particularly mad for it and so we thought, lets have his party there. Excellent. Go and see the facility coordinators to learn it will be $35/kid and there is only 1 package and it includes all of the above except the animators will be the coaches and the activities  centered around football (add magician and clown for ++$). Local tradition requires you invite all the kids in the school class, all the ones in the football team and lets not forget the capoeira class kids too. Allowing for some overlap in numbers that would = $1750....holy crap. my poor old Mum would be doing back-flips in her grave (had she not been cremated).

Fear and a clear yogic mind saved us and we didn't go this route (relax Mum) although it was only a week before b-day that we reverted back to our more sane 'small is beautiful' approach and canceled Sportsville. Instead we invited only the kids Kasem wanted to come (and a few he didn't like girls for example!)...and perhaps because it wasn't the normal lash-out few of his Lebanese friends came so we had only 12 nice little boys and girls. We went to the nearest forest reserve called Baabda Forest (www.terreliban.org) situated in a small valley surrounded by urban development on the ridges around but that is in a pine forest up above the city with a climbing wall and zip-line, nature walk and err....donkey ride.

The price tag needless to say was lower, as were our stress-levels without the blaring music, and instead of being surrounded by the masses of overwhelmed psyches (which to me must be part of what makes these events hard for adults and kids alike to handle), he was surrounded by pine trees.

I hope that Kasem had a more memorable time of it....last year was the beach, the year before an eco-resort....and to the credit of the Lebanese there was another kids party there and apparently the place is busy with such events so clearly catering to 'appearances' isn't an all encompassing ethos, just the annoyingly pervasive one.

Summer hols 2010 - Itinerary to date

July 4 Cecile leaves for Geneva for the annual UNHCR Resettlement powwow

July 6 Us boys head to London with a quick stop in Paris which went very smoothly because the flight transfer was in the same terminal!
Lengthy wait for the bus to get to the hotel, Night spent in a Travelodge without the planned rendez-vous with our friend Annabel. Quel dommage!

July 7 Bus to Chepstow and pick up by Auntie Margaret soon to be 87 and still whizzing around in her Rover.

July 8 - 10 Builth Wells, Wales with visiting Grandpa Canada now 85, took in the Zippo’s circus which was quite fun and with no animals involved (but the humans seems to be trained and treated quite well). Boy's and Daddy-oh got their new scooters which I'd ordered online. Micros.






July 10 Grandpa Canada and Auntie Margaret to Manchester by train for Dad to take his plane back to Alberta (with escort)

July 11 Auntie Margaret returns, the boys and I spent the day in Brecon browsing a second hand bookstore, lunch locally, chasing sheep and hide-and-seek in the ferns on the Beacons.

July 12 Drove to Bristol with my 2 illiterate navigators to pick up Cecile, her flight from Geneve arrived an hour late but not too late to make a quick tour en famille round Bristol Zoo on the way home. Arrived back to find sister Felicity, Malcolm, Tabitha (celebrated her 13th birthday!) and Timothy had arrived. Full house! Went to the pub up the road for dinner.





July 13 A morning kicking around Builth with the sister and the boys loving being around their cousins taking in the Grow, the ‘swing’ bridge (that doesn’t swing since renovation in the ‘80’s sometime!), Zaki had the oddest allergic reaction and took him to a doctor when his finger joints suddenly started swelling although originally was taking him to see the doc because of the return of the family diarrheal curse that started with a bout of salmonella 10days ago. The Royal Welsh Show, the largest annual agricultural show in the UK was about to kick off under rainy skies but we escaped that yet again. Worthy to note is that in 2004 on our tour du monde with Zaki we were also in Builth at the same time as Felicity et.al. so this was a bit of a ‘déjà vu’ only this time we had two boys.

July 14 Packed up and said good-bye to Auntie M. (who at 86 insisted she would sleep on the couch in a sleeping bag while we were all there!!) and headed to the Cotswalds and a visit with cousins Jean and Douglas in their new (1yr ago) home in Fairford where the Royal International Air Tattoo was getting underway with the sonic blasts of various jet planes overhead practicing whatever it is they have to practice in preparation for the show. The UK in the summer…..one big festival.


July 15 Visit to the Cotswalds Wildlife Park.

July 16 Visit by cousin Marian who I apparently hadn’t met since I was 2yrs old!

July 17 Early departure with the rental car to London and to Hackney to stay at Peter Kessler's place backing onto a great canal across from Victoria Park where the LoveBox concert weekend was kicking off.

Brunch with Cecile's friends Evan and Bernard who we haven’t seen together since mid-Malaysia years and picnic with now Londoners Cathy (Mulloy) and Tony and Frank at London Fields with the kids whizzing along on scooters. Late dinner with Peter and his new wife Rachel.

July 18 Another early departure to St. Pancras International for the Eurostar to Paris, Staying at Ariane and Alain’s place in the 13th.

July 19 Picnic in the Park Floral with Ramon and his kids, Vietnamese dinner with Joseph and Beatrice who are on holiday from Nepal.

July 20 - 23 Train to Orleans and St. Pryve for time to relax, eat and sleep with the Fradot’s

July 23 - 26 Weekend at Center Parcs water park with the whole Fradot clan. Les cousins (Geoffrey, Anthony and Samuel, Zaki and Kasem) swam like seals and thoroughly enjoyed the slides, the jacuzzis and the wild river!

July 26 - 30 More eating and sleeping some shopping at the Fradot’s. Saw two movies, Inception and a chick flick , visit to Zoo Beauval and a nice Thai dinner with Cecile's friend Miriam, the only one of our mutual friends to have ever slept in the Vilcabamba house!

July 30 Cecile and I to Geneve on TGV to stay with Tilman, Lucia and Leo who are all waiting for the arrival of their new brother!

July 31 Vespa buzz for a a hike and BBQ with erstwhile humanitarians Sally and Jeremy at their place in the paysan then returned for a BBQ with Tilmann, Lucia, Leo and their friend Ursula.



August 1 Cecile returns to Beirut, I spend the day with Terra Mack meeting up with Kahin and his friend Judith in the Park who provided a picnic then dinner with Sri Lankan former expat Meriel and her kids in Crozet, a wet and wooly vespa ride away from Ferney!

August 2 Return to Paris-Orleans to reunite with the boys

August 3 Repacking for the phase 2 of our Summer Escape from Beirut

August 4 Departure to Ecuador via Orleans – Paris (train, met Kavita for the station transfer)Paris – Amsterdam (3hr fastest train in the world (TGV) Amsterdam – Bonaire (Plane 8.5hrs, boys slept 7hrs!)Bonaire – Guayaquil (Plane 4hrs, boys watched vids) Guayaquil – Cuenca (25minute air-hop) Cuenca – Vilcabamba (4hr taxi, boys were amazed to hear Daddy speaking his bad spanish...slept 3hrs!) 3 planes, 2 trains and a taxi in 29hrs AND NO MELTDOWNS!

August 5 - 29 VILCABAMBA! First week was getting over jet-lag, second week building a new playhouse and tenant Christina and baby Keola returned from Quito, third week learning how to not have a plan, last week chilling, being and leaving party.

August 29 Vilcabamba - Quito - Panama City, great time spent with former Beirutis Pablo, Clara, Melena, Maya and greeting baby Iago.

September 2/3 Panama City - Amsterdam - Paris - Orleans, what to say. we made it, again without meltdown, the last trip by auto-navette which is definitely the way to get to Orleans from CDG!

September 3-5 Orleans

September 5 Orleans - Paris (again the auto-navette)Paris - Beirut (4hrs) Finally home, Kasem had his only transportation meltdown of the entire trip getting on the plane to but probably a total emotional release since he had been talking about going home to Beirut for 3weeks. Cecile there to greet but then returned to Pakistan on Emergency mission for the floods.

AND YES THERE ARE LOADS MORE PICTURES.....TO BE FOUND ON FACEBOOK AS THEY ARE TOO MUCH OF A PAIN TO LOAD HERE.

Summer hols - 2010, Escape from Beirut

Lest anyone think we are being extravagant taking 7weeks of holidays away from Beirut….let them spend July and August in the torpid depths of our Paris in the Middle East before judging. Its true that we haven't spent the summer in Beirut yet either (this is our second summer) but from what our friends say and the fact that all of them, Lebanese and expats alike leave town or country for these 2 months was for us enough of a measure. I returned from mission in Chad in early June and our departure for points west seemed imminent and indeed by July it was starting to get steamy in the city and by early July we were gone.
It is not only the combination of coastal heat and humidity that sweats things up but the airborne pollution that enters the mix. They say the city swells 2X its population in the summer, but that sounds more like a tourism board exaggeration, but suffice it to say the population increases considerably and with it the number of cars goes wild and with that the smog becomes intense. Arabs from the Gulf have become disenchanted with Europe as a holiday destination and with the relative calm in the region and the less than welcoming atmosphere in traditional countries of summer visitation like France (where it will soon become illegal to wear the hijab), they are looking at Beirut as a much closer to home alternative.
Beirut of late has become the haute couture destination of choice and all the top brands have outlets in malls throughout the city including the newly opened Beirut souks. The Beirut souks were once the commercial heart of the city where you could buy anything from langoustines to lamborginis and everything in-between. The souks bordered the 'green line' dividing the city east and west along factional lines during the civil war and were bombed and bombed and bombed to bits. In their planning wisdom developers (well, one in particular) have re-constructed the souks not according to their former ancient plans but according to someone's desire to pull in the 'Gulfies' (as wealthy Arab neighbours are known) and it has become a high end shopping mall where normal Beirutis come to gawk but cannot even afford to stop for their ubiquitous tea and nargile (and only then if they can afford to park their car). Such is life in the new 'money first and get it nownownow' orientation of modern day Beirut.
Methinks I digress from my point and that was the pollution. The part of development that has been overlooked by city planners (if they exist) is the traffic circulation and it is appalling. Imagine also that it is not as if the Gulfies come and rent an Echo or some kind of Micro car, oh no, where would you put your 3 wives and 27 children (and mother, sister-in-law, etc? No, you rent a Hummer or BMW X6 or the most popular SUV on steroids of choice this year seems to be the Rangerover. Its amazing. Check the AVIS rent-a-car site for Lebanon and you'll see….its Top Gear heaven.
There are then two primary compounding issues in my deconstruction of Beirut pollution forgetting the out-dated street layout and chaotic one-way system that causes unending grid-lock, the illegal double parking that jams things up, the arrogance of people who feel they can stop anywhere anytime and discharge their passengers or buy cigarettes from the street vendor, greet their old high school buddy they see on the street, etc. The first issue is the fact that (probably due to the heat but also the cultural characteristic of entitlement which is quite complicated to unravel), Lebanese and the Gulfies prefer not to walk, so they don't. Valet parking is a huge summer employer in Beirut and if you can't park within 30m of the shop or restaurant then you leave it with the Valet…..this means endless circulating looking for parking for some and of course then it also means the valet has to drive off to park your car who knows where and later retrieve it from who knows where when you need it back…..both adding to the traffic.
I think the major contributor to summer pollution, the second compounding issue, are the single person vehicles that are driving around…why so many single person vehicles? because anyone with any money at all has a driver. The lack of parking and the non-walking culture then requires the driver to simply circulate having dropped off his clients and wait for his phone to ring so he can pick them up again and go to the next place. What a mess. Time to leave and so leave we did the first week in July. Did I mention Zaki’s asthma and the fact that he was hauling on his ventalin inhaler at least once/day in the weeks before we were leaving?

Casa Roja -Vilcabamba, Ecuador

Add comment May 24, 2007

Illegarse

It’s a long long way to Ecuador from Malaysia. Holy cow. The first flight was fine, slept in 2-3 hour segments, missed two entire movies (caught both on the second flight). The 18hr ‘stopover’ in Amsterdam passed without grand event unless you count getting on the wrong train from Schipol and ending up in Amersfoort but even then I caught a glimpse of the green flatness of the Dutch country-side that would have otherwise gone amiss. Vanessa had her new flat, now a property-owner she is proud of her accomplishment and rightly so its in a great part of town and as with anywhere in central Amsterdam a 10minute cycle from just about everywhere else and close to public transport; who could ask for more. Got some shopping done but failed to find a Mac compatible webcam even at Schipol airport duty free. Went to the World Press photo exhibit which while with individual photos of great merit was overall unimpressive for some reason. A short nap and shorter shower back at the new flat, dinner with MSF friends of Vanessa’s and then back to Schipol.

Schipol airport was shutting down for the night, the Quito flight is the last of the day and there isn’t another until 6am! That surprised me as did the crowd for the flight to Ecuador via Bonaire. This flight too wasn’t so bad, the aircraft a McDonell Douglas tristar was very comfortable. Must remember to book row 23 again in the future. I couldn’t sleep much on this flight though I wanted to and watched the movie and read Hashim Matars ‘In a Country of Men’ cover to cover.

The big dilemma of how to get to Vilcabamba on a Saturday resolved when I resolved not to spend any time in Guyaquil supported by a now clear desire to get to Vilcabamba without delay. In the queue waiting for immigration a woman hinted that there might be daily flights to Cuenca as well as Quito and lured by the comfort of going to a place I already knew I managed to get straight onto a Cuenca flight and landed there at 7:20 am having arrived in Guayquil at six o’clock! Not to hit pause I went straight to the bus station and at 7:45am the Executiva Express pulled out to Loja. This ride was a bit long but it is stunning how the road somehow finds its way south winding along the green cultivated hillsides and over the gentle passes of the lower Andes. We didn’t stop and without breakfast (unless the one on the flight 4hrs earlier counts) I also missed lunch but arrived in Loja at 1:30. Caught the Vilcabamba Turs bus enroute to the taxi cooperativa and slowly we made our way up that lovely valley to Vilcabamba by 2:30pm. Wow. Guayquil to Vilcabamba in 8.5hrs.

Like so often in this funny little town the question of how to find Fabricio and they keys to the house was solved when I got down from the bus and there (in Victors old house) stood Jorge Mendieta who called Fabricio on the phone. I was pleasantly surprised at how many people I know and in the first 10 minutes in town (literally 10 minutes) had re-acquainted with 5 people and found out who else was about. The place really hasn’t changed a bit.

Fabricio was in good form, looking fit and tanned and we walked up the old trail (which has decayed somewhat due to the horse traffic) to the back road entrance that Kathy had built. It was in exactly the place I had wanted and you arrive at the turnaround place without ever seeing the house (or being seen from the house). A very nice little camino takes you into the back of the property through what is now a pleasant small orchard with lots of fruit tree species growing then up through the landscaped flower beds to the back door. Entering the house was a thrill. The knowledge that we designed and built this place is almost overpowering in that it is really really nice! I mean how did we do this? Everything works, thanks to Fabricio there are no leaks, the hot water and plumbing (except for one leak in the green bathroom) are fine. The stove and fridge work. Kathy had painted the whole interior white and it looks great. She has replaced the big piece of butchers block island chopping board with a piece of green marble which as a counter is nice, perhaps there was too much wood happening. The upstairs floor like all the terraces are firm and without loose creaking boards and the tranquility in lovely lighting which we reveled in for that short month in 2004 remains the singular emotional sense. Its fabulous.

Its now 4:30am and I have been awake since 1:30. I know its Sunday at home and my little family is fully active and busy with all of what goes on in their lives on Sunday. I have had half-awake rememberances of Kasems lovely little wriggling curious body and Zaki’s mischievious laugh and of Cecile’s amazing presence. I wish they were here to enjoy this with me, I want to share it with them but know that it would have been a very hard trip and that there are things to be done here best done by me alone. And perhaps ‘absence will make the heart grow fonder’ and this fondness I feel for my family will displace the discontent that otherwise has pervaded my consciousness these past months.

Add comment May 24, 2007

flying solito

successfully pasted this old picture into the blogpage so things are progressing in daddyoh’s blogland.

whew. first half of the journey is over and it wasn’t too bad. i think i actually slept reasonably well on the plane. not for long but still quite well, no little boys to chase down the aisle (very few kids on the plane), no nappies to change, a whole seat to myself.

i want to make this trip a good time for self-reflection and try to allow whatever spirit healing is required to take place without effort. lets see what happens, meditate a bit each day, write a bit each day and take it from there.

i do want to get things done. i am a doer and doing is what we do us doers so hopefully there will be some good changes at the house and the trip will be productive. somehow it needs to be so that i don’t feel guilty for leaving my little family for so long…. it will be interesting to be in Vilcabamba again…my 5th time to return to spend time in the pueblo.

it seems the universe has conspired to ensure i do not finish the IFRC report on this trip as even the version that has been sent to me is not the most recent one so it will have to wait. pushed out of my mind.

one thing i know for sure is that i love my darling, i love my boys, i love being a father but i have a confused notion of why i have had such a hard time embracing the change in my life. its really odd since this is what i was supposed to be good at! (managing change well), should just let that whole thing go i guess.

1 comment May 18, 2007

lots left

gotta get on with the lots left to do. packing a bag for one thing! its all under control at this point and i’ll head to the train station around 9 i guess, after the boys are in bed.

oh dear. am tired but its okay.

Add comment May 17, 2007

one more sleep

oh boy. its really coming close now. i feel like i have so many pressing things to do but i guess it is just a question of being organized. haven’t been sleeping so well, too many broken nights. what to do.

Annie is here. its actually a bit more work the first day or two while she finds her feet and gets oriented. theres alot to know and to remember and as my Dad would say her ‘forgettery’ is working well. i cannot emphasize enough for her to try to respect their weekly and daily routines. it is not a joke and it is not trivial and i really hope that she clicks in with whats going on. i wish i had more confidence then i wouldn’t be so nervous in leaving. i know the boys will survive but i want better than that.

Zaki is not feeling too well this week. this virus is back, the one that gives him the compression cough and snotty nose, congested chest. it sounds so asthmatic but i guess that would have been diagnosed by now if it were some allergic reaction… Kasem too is having the snuffles, will raise his bed again to elevate his head a bit. poor little guys.

anyways. have decided to finish the IFRC thing while i am away. better to take the pressure off and let me get at it when i have time for it. wish i could be more easy going than i feel. like i used to be. seems like the ‘responsibility’ of being a parent has changed me, or something like that.

am not looking forward to the journey. that has to be said. so many hours in a plane and two missed nights. sucks. oh well. flying alone will be different thats for sure!

Add comment May 16, 2007

2 more sleeps

Only 2 more sleeps until daddy hits the airways and flies far away. daddy is not looking forward to being so far from his boys or his mummy. already i am getting nervous about how things will go and i hope this trip doesn’t upset the apple cart. this blog site will make it easy to check in on me and see what i am up to. i will buy a new camera in Amsterdam airport so that i can send you pictures in case we are not so easily able to use Skype. i love you guys…you are my life.

1 comment May 15, 2007

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A More Comfortable Skin

It turns out I had 3 complete weeks in Vilcabamba and as it turns out I needed all three. After passing the 10 day mark, the water system installed and seemingly working properly we started on the back wash area. This project was one that more or less finished the house construction, the concrete pad and water/drainage points were already there and had been for 4 years. Miguel found for me a bit of a strange maestro but together with young Roberto and Fabricio the outer wall went up quickly, then the sink support walls and then the shower wall.

Interesting moments came up along the way as they always do when building in Vilcabamba: for example putting consistent and similar ‘waves’ in the wall seems to me to be straightforward, just put a brick in the right spot, chop off the top corners and fill in with cement, the waves should turn out more or less uniform? Too simple perhaps, and clearly such an easy way to do it takes from the creative edge so our wall has waves that are all different! Next came the problem with the shower wall. I had explained to the maestro that it needed to be parallel to the wall he had just built for the wash area, and square with the walls of the bathroom. Well, I was in the house most of the morning, the lads built the ‘enconfrado’ (frame) and around 11am commenced with putting the rocks and the cement in the frame. It looked good from far but when I came out at 11:30 dios mia!

Vicente’s Dad was up hanging about as he often did and he saw the look on my face and saw as well that the wall was clearly about 10degrees off quadra…I mean it was really not parallel with anything in the nearby universe. Before I could say much to the maestro V’s Dad took a tape measure and calmly measured from one end of the frame to the wash area wall and then the other and then looked up at us all and said, ‘si, no es quadra’! What was pretty unbelievable is that no one had said anything, not Roberto, not Fabricio, not even Vicente although he may not have been watching too carefully. I was clearly pretty heated asking the maestro what he was thinking to have put the wall crooked even after I had been pretty clear about ‘quadra’ and ‘parallelo’. Fortunately for all the fix was quick, as Fabricio noted I had come out just in time because the wall was less than a metre off the ground, we all pushed in the right places and it came square. Whew.

The last anomaly in the wash area building was in the rocks. Pretty funny really but our old burro man who I must have given nearly $1000 when we were building had recently acquired a truck and so was now delivering rock faster and cheaper. We asked for a metro (I think it’s a cubic metre) of small-sized flat rocks….twice we got a metro of big chunky rocks and finally 2 metros of useable rock. Who knows, we probably were suffering from being gringoed…a local verb referring to being ripped off because we are foreigners…and it has to be said, the Italians with the new house up the hill from us paid $100 for just about everything they received even though, for example, truck load of rock should only cost $50. Anyway, Mr. Burro-man came to my door at 8am on Sunday morning (itself a bit weird) hat in hand asking for $40 (the rock costing $10/metro). I gave him $20 with the agreement that because he wouldn’t take the 2 metros I didn’t want they would be mine. Now on one hand it means I got 4metros of rock for $20, half the going rate, on the other hand it means I forked out $10 more than I needed to fork out since originally I had only asked for 1 metro of rock! Gringoed!

The valley has so changed in terms of how local providers view foreigners and the money thing. It is pretty clear now that foreigners have money and part with it far too easily. Before, when we were building, it was sort of in control and more or less controllable by building relationships, using interlocutors, friends, etc. But in 3 years and mucho building that has dissolved somewhat. I think that with a bit of savvy a foreigner can still do okay in the valley but you really do need to know the proper prices in advance and even then….you’ll pay more….somehow. I think now, sitting on the plane home, I should have given the Mr. Burro-head 10 bucks and gone back to bed.

The back wash-area and outdoor shower look pretty spiff I have to say. The ‘pagoda’ style roof is a hit and it looks pretty cool (just repeating what others have said). And, its not expensive and puts a sort of ‘modern’ spin on what is otherwise a traditional back area. Painted white but with stone it is a nice place to be and should make doing the laundry a better experience. Of course a washing machine would be nice and some way to put power back there. Ooops, forgot about that! Where there’s a will there’s a way and someone will figure it out if they want it.

So what about this more comfortable skin, the title of this input. This last week that I have been here it has felt like I’ve slipped into a more comfortable skin than the one I was in…so what is that about? I’ve had a chance to reflect a bit and consider what is probably going on but don’t think this is conclusive because it ain’t. Just the ramblin’s. Certainly part of what has happened is that I realize here that people like who I am and want to get to know me better and want to have conversations and want to tell about themselves. Now theres a lot wrapped up there but one of the things I have notice (as I unpackage all this) the majority of the people are three things quite similarly minded (in terms of the environment, social consciousness, etc), they are pretty good listeners….and older than me. Contrast this with my situation in KL where I am a bit hard pressed to say who (in terms of friends) is similarly minded, who is a good listener and who is older than me….actually it’s a list of one, you know who you are.

I was lucky to have come to Vilcabamba when I did and to have become liked by some of the good people in the valley (as opposed to some of the weirdos although I think the weirdos like me too), somehow I am one of the ‘medium-timers’ (as opposed to ‘old-timers’) but certainly not one of the newcomers. I am glad I laid a bit of e-groundwork before coming, my arrival didn’t take many people by surprise, everyone knew we had two kids, lived in Malasia (so the selva-telephone) works well. The pictures I had sent were a big hit and I must remember to send more. Being of this group (the medim-termers) is good. Its good at parties to be part of the gang and its good one on one because in a way we have built a bit of history and further to that we have built some rapport between each other; shared jokes, shared knowledge, shared stories. Its nice and I suppose what I am trying to say is that there is a sense of community and further to that it would follow that it is this sense of community that is so attractive to me. I feel more attached to people in Vilcabamba than I do to people in Kuala Lumpur. Wow. I said it. I don’t know why it is that I should feel this way, perhaps it is the ‘likemindedness’, I mean lets face it with few notable exceptions most people in KL (and Edmonton for that matter) have no way of relating to either the broad sense of being inherent in an international lifestyle, my sense of the global environmental and my broad social conscience. Even my own sister doesn’t think educating her kids to recycle is important while I worry constantly about the profundity of my carbon footprint, Zaki at 2yrs 4months already has a carbon footprint way beyond his little years and even in KL where the obsession with plastic is in full-swing, we reduce, re-use and recycle like mad.

I had conversations in Vilcabamba about how water has memory and how this relates to the Buddhist idea of inter-connectivity (and the art of science revealing philosophical truths), about how impermanence ‘has to’ be relevant to relationships (and how it has nothing to do with relationships at all). I talked with people about what is called agricultural political economy about simply political economy, about environmental economics and about the South American trend towards social democracy. There was talk about the meaning of happiness and how that relates to being our own personal sense of being productive. There is a lot of talk going on about the insensitivity of the incoming US crowd particularly towards the local economy and certainly towards the population. This manifests as an arrogance that is hard to tolerate; the reaction of the local extranjeros is to ignore them, the reaction of the local population is to ‘gringo’ them. But the point is that the conversations are informed and intelligent and with a passionate dimension that colors in the background….how many of these conversations do I ever have at home (besides, when we have time, with my lovely Cecile)? Zero. 0. None. Nada. Never. And this is a bit troubling and part of what I suppose troubles me in Kuala Lumpur.

It’s a bit funny the spontaneity in Vilcabamba, in a way its as if people have been waiting for someone to come along who will listen to them. I think people like John, Roland have lots to say and normally have no one to say it to so I come in as a welcome ear, English speaking, interested. To their credit the newcomers (at least the ones I met) are also an interesting crowd, I mean you pretty much have to be somewhat interesting to have simply found the valley and then to decide to buy and/or build and live there. I think part of the problem with the newbies is that most are from the US and therefore as opinionated and are not really very good listeners which makes it less likely that they will be listened to. The language dynamic is also interesting. Until recently it was incumbent upon everyone to communicate in Spanish, now though, at those places in our small where people gather to chitchat small groups of US people sit and talk loudly in English, intimidating to locals and other language speakers alike.

Somehow also in Vilcabamba, the work that I have done and that Cecile is doing is respected by people. That’s interesting too in the sense that folk are folk and all should somehow be able to grasp what being a humanitarian worker is about but in KL certainly people seem so much less interested in the fact that what we do is for the greater good. It may be that many have such mundane jobs that they don’t want to consider that others actually have interesting work or that their job is part of the global problem (those in resource exploitation) and they don’t want to know about people who are part of the solution. That said we do have some friends who are in interesting work, Katherine’s husband, Stephan, Susheela and there are people in commercial enterprises who we like. Odd too that while in both Vilcabamba and KL we are drawn together with others mostly because we are all expats but somehow in Vilcabamba that is a lesser reason for coming together rather than a greater reason. And of course it has to be said it has become easier to be friends with locals in Ecuador than in Malaysia and this also makes for a more comfortable time.

Leaving Vilcabamba after only 3 weeks was a bit of a drag. I felt like I was just getting into in (or it was just getting into me) and it was time to leave. On Thursday amidst rumours of landslides and indigenous peoples protests blocking roads I got very worried about getting out of Loja. I was leaving no room for error taking the bus to Guyaquil on Sunday before flying out on Monday morning and it seemed like a good thing to be worried about. Fortunately I had the wisdom to seek counsel from some local wise men and their attitude was I either left on Saturday (allowing a day for screw-ups) or I didn’t worry about it. With the impending arrival of the self-named Gypsies on Friday night, to leave on Saturday was a bit of a non-starter and so I was left trying not to worry about it. Of course, there was nothing to worry about but Friday could have been much more relaxing had I decided earlier not to think about it….somewhere in there I realize that I had felt the need to worry or be stressed…something interesting to think about.

Somewhere in there too, as much as I know it would have been hard to be there with my two little muchachos being so small and needing so much supervision, I wanted the anticipation of my trip home to be about their impending arrival in the valley rather than my departure from the valley. It is a great place for little kids, boys especially, the wilderness, the freedom, the security and safety. We will make plans to go back once Zaki and Kasem are a bit more independent. The easy access to the internet has changed things a lot, the mobile phones require a whole sociological study in their impact and Supermaxi in Loja making available such variety of food and other things has sort of ‘upgraded’ the living standard to one that makes it feel more comfortable to live in Vilca with little kids. So much has changed in only three years, to go back there in another 3 years feels to me so unthinkable now but then considering how fast the past three years have slid by, perhaps it will be that long before we get back.

One thing for sure, next time I go I will not be alone!